Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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