I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
