Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Randomize
