Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
