Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize