went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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