If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
