He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
This is classic penis vs brain.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
