I cut my penus on the lid.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
