Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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