They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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