Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
