so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
