Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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