hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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