WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
