I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
