And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
