i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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