i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
