i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I said "one day" and that day is not today
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize