i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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