I hate your face
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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