is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
