Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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