Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
i think i just lost a toe
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
