so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
