You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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