my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
