He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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