i think my tv is drunk
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I have aggressive nipples.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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