I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
