The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
