quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
