I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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