i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
