I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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