I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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