Who did Billy Mays play for?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
