Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
