I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize