i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
