those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
