At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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