I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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