I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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