What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
