oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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