he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
