Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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