The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
wow bdsm is so cute
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
