Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
