Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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