the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
