i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
