Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
