the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
