The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
you win again, gameday.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
