I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
