# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
