If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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