Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
