guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
