I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
