Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
