It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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